Every year I am motivated to give an inspirational speech for champs.. This year, I don't think I can do that. I have no inspirational words in me anymore. All the words that I used were pointless in the beginning, because people just quit anyway. So I decided to just throw them away. I know.. how do you throw inspirational words away? You can do that. Yeah.. You can't.. but I'm telling myself that right now... I have no motivation to provide a speech. It's not the same. No one will get to see this and say "yeah! We can do it!" No one cares that much anymore. It isn't the same I really do admit that. This year isn't that bad. But it got me the most emotionally tired. I'm emotionally drained of my guard motivation. It's weak.. I know. But I can't help it. I want to keep going.. but how can I if people are giving up before we start... well not people.. just me. The mask is off, this is who I am. I am not a happy person. I'm not the stable person I used to be. I'm no longer the person who will hold your hand and lead you to the light. I have so many things going on, that my emotions are tired. I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little overdramatic. But that's me. Guess what? That's me. I think the reality of this is... Is that. I am being a brat. I want to be saved also, but I'm surrounded by people who need more help. Why am I being like this? Can I just get over it? Should I just.... face the fact and move on? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gave up everything to do this. Or maybe not. I don't know . This rant is turning into a bunch of pointless bratty shit... But I'm typing each thing that pops into my mind. I am holding me back. But why? There isn't much keeping me here.. Only fear.. of change I guess? I don't know. | 
